Mud in the Water

There is Mud in the Water 

and the Magic is Gone.

Part I of II

There is "Mud in the Water" with my genealogy journey.   There are times when you hit a dead end and just can not find any more documentation.  At other times, you find too much aggression from others that refuse to work together or see past the family stories.   And, then there are times that others infiltrate and destroy lifetimes of work and/or destroy one's character just for ignorance or control.   Genealogy can be tough.   Secrets.  Labels.  Shared Ancestors.  Family Stories.  All of these can be contentious.

During May 2025, I have been bullied to the point of major anguish.

Being an advocate for Appalachia was always going to make me a lightening rod.  I knew that going in.  I can handle the attacks on Appalachia and Appalachians because I present facts vs Hollywood stories and social media lies which usually shuts down any argument.   It's the personal attacks from keyboard warriors, the brutal lies, scary threats, and the disgusting attacks on my character that I will not allow.  No one should.

Through my genealogy work, I have been bullied before.  Someone doesn't like the sources, doesn't believes your DNA tracing work or even gets extremely angry when you question facts from folklore (aka family stories).  It's happened to all of us involved with genealogy at one time or the other.  The past two weeks have been the worst it ever has been: it was not due to my genealogy work but because of.... me.  I was picked to be bullied and I still am clueless why I was.  It was a wild fire (behind my back) to destroy my character, insult me personally, and force others to de-friend me.  All of this ended up triggering me.  No one came to help me.  I was in this alone and each day brought new drama and trauma.

I felt powerless and afraid to speak out.  I had no idea why this was happening.  I had not done or said anything to cause this extreme level of personal attacks but always questioning if something written was taken the wrong way.  It was so sudden that it felt like an instantaneous combustion.  His bullying has damaged my reputation and mental health. The emotional toll has been exhausting and, yes, led to anxiety, depression, and at times, a sense of hopelessness. It's important to remember that no one deserves to be treated that way.  

KEEP ALL DOCUMENTATION OF BEING BULLIED!

 

Being bullied online is a deeply isolating and painful experience.  I have triggers from past experiences and I am thankful that I am able to recognize them quickly.  Although my triggers are my "problem", and I completely understand that, it doesn't make them disappear without starting up some degree of my cPTSD.  This was a combination of cyberbullying and workplace bullying.

Unlike face-to-face encounters, cyberbullying often feels inescapable because it can happen anytime, anywhere and has through my social media, messaging apps, forums, and even my email. My recent bully felt that he could go behind my back to friendships to make up malicious lies about me and my character which made the attacks more cruel.  He was relentless.  He felt he could say things to others that he would never say to me in person.  All the while, I did not know this was going on.  I only thought he was being rude and offensive to me in his messages.  A few friends reached out to me. That didn't always end up well either because a few believed the lies despite knowing me much longer than the bully.  Hopefully, there is a way back to a friendship with them.  Another reason for Mud in the Water.

My advice:  Never argue with a bully.  Stop all communication with them.

There is plenty of mud to pass around but my main concern is that if others in the genealogy field/hobby, an Appalachian, or just a human being understand that when a bully attacks, it is not you.  Most times, it has nothing to do with you.   Yep, there is Mud in the Water.

Do the "Three T-Steps" when dealing with a bully that verbally attacks you:

1. Talk: Simply talk to the bully and let them know their words are hurtful.  Sometimes the problem can be nipped in the bud at this stage.
2. Tell: Reach out to a trusted member of your organization or trusted individual and tell them that you are getting bullied.  This allows another independent person to step in to help.
3. Tackle:  For verbal attacks, I never recommend this. This is more about schoolyard physical touch.  I only mention this because some that are being bullied will feel the need to "tackle the problem" by turning the tables and doing the same behavior back to the bully.  This is not the answer to your problem!

I am not sure how I will reclaim my peace and find a positive place to continue my genealogy work.  Part II explains my journey.

Mud in the Water by the Gasoline Gypsies.  

Take the time to really listen to the lyrics. 

Addressing online bullying involves immediate actions, documentation, reporting, and support. Here are clear, practical steps to take: