52 Ancestors Week 6: Surprise

 

This week’s theme is “Surprise.”   The DNA surprise when your family tree takes a sharp turn. 

We've all heard the stories, the slightly awkward jokes about getting a DNA test and discovering your parent is not your parent.  Here's how I found out...

I'd always been curious about my ancestry. I grew up with such dark brown eyes that they were almost black.  My parents had the bluest of blue eyes.  When Ancestry.com started heavily advertising DNA kits for a reasonable price, I instantly bought one and got DNA tested. 

To say that I DNA tested to find out who my parents were is truly only part of the story though.  I was convinced that I was Italian.  From an early age, I was always told that I had so much Italian "about me".  With my Dad's name as Craig and my Mom's Maiden Name as Bonner.... I was not understanding where any Italian would come from.  But that is a blog post for another time....

Note: I would never have done a DNA test if my dad were still alive. It's also important to state that "my dad" is the man who raised me from birth. "My father" is my biological father, as determined by a DNA test.

So, I had a guess who my biological father was.  I actually had it narrowed down to three people with one being in the lead.   Why?  His picture!

Click on Read More to see the picture....

Oden Lee Linger

Sandy, 2023

When I first saw this picture, of Oden, probably about 2016?, I literally fell to the ground with shock.  The similaries were too many.  I seemed to have inherited my very large ears, eyes, checks, forehead, etc from Oden.   

The DNA results came back, and after the initial excitement of seeing my ethnic breakdown, (spoiler:  SURPRISE!  I have zero Italian DNA), I started exploring the "matches" section.  Back in 2014, with Ancestry, it looked at your family tree, first, where I had my Dad still attached to my tree.  The odd results showed that his mother, my Mamaw Craig, was a cousin and not my biological grandmother (Welcome to Appalachia!  Not a surprise.).  That is when I knew my DNA did not match anyone's close enough to my Dad's for him to be my biological father.

I instantly paid for a DNA test for my two Craig brothers. Only one of them took the test.  The results were clear.  He was the biological son of our Dad.  And, his cMs proved I was his half sibling.

Talk about a punch in the gut.

So, yeah, Oden was the one that I really thought was my biological father.  I have some faint childhood memories of him visiting my mom at work for lunch.  But, otherwise, I had very little reason to cross his path.

This secret is not mine.  I am setting it free.

The following days were a whirlwind of emotions. Shock, confusion, anger, a strange sense of… curiosity? How could this be? Why had my mother never told me? The questions swirled, demanding answers.  My brother, strongly, advised me to not mention it to my mother.  I felt I had every right to mention it but I also knew whatever came out of her mouth would be a lie.

Next, the "other" half brothers started reaching out to me.  They are lovely.  They accepted me and one of them told Oden all about my discovery. The half sister has decided that I am not a human being and has done everything she can to exclude me and cut me out of the family.

It is an odd thing being a NPE. Yes, I call it a thing. I’ve been reduced to a thing by both families. A creature that is looked upon as an issue, a trouble maker, a thing that should not be in their family. This thing? Me? Guess what? I am a living breathing person. You can deny or hide me but it won’t change the fact what DNA proves.

Oden graciously accepted Sandy as his daughter without question. Although their time to get to know each other was cut short due to dementia, they often wrote letters to each other and for a time had weekly phone calls. Sandy has over a dozen letters in her possession from him.

NOTE: Sandy was excluded from Oden's Obituary.

I won't delve into the personal details of the conversations that followed. It's a complex situation, one that's still unfolding because I am only hearing one side of the story.  My mother refuses to believe that DNA is real.  I have confirmed, through multiple sources, that this was a 10 year affair.

To read all about my NPE and DNA journey, click over to my NPE Blog post

If you're considering taking a DNA test, be prepared for anything. Be prepared for the possibility that your family history might not be what you thought it was. Be prepared for the emotional rollercoaster that might follow. And most importantly, be prepared to navigate the aftermath with grace, understanding, and a whole lot of self-compassion.

Next week, I will share letters that Oden wrote to me after he was told about my DNA results.

🌳 See if you connect to Oden, my biological father. 

🌳 Or my Dad, John Craig, on WikiTree.

We might be cousins!

I tend to use music as a ways of moving on or figuring out my feelings.  Each week, my blog will highlight a song that helped get me through.

These two videos are this week's choices:  Sara Evans, Stronger and Rascal Flatts, I'm Moving On.

#52Ancestors was started by another WikiTreer, blogger, and professional genealogist, Amy Johnson Crow. Check out her Generations Cafe Facebook group